Claudia v. Hamlet

Day 3 in Court

(Scene I)

Judge: Prosecution, you may call your witness.

Prosecution: We call Claudia to the stand, your Honor.

Bailiff: (Witness stands) Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Claudia: I do. (Witness sits)

Prosecution: Can you please describe to us how you and Polonius chose to truly figure out whether or not Hamlet was a lunatic.

Claudia: Well we wanted to see if it was Ophelia that was driving him mad or whether or not he was just crazy. So Polonius and I decided that the best way to do this would be to use Ophelia as a decoy and draw out his insanity.

Prosecution: And what was the result?

Claudia: Well I found that he seemed perfectly sane, he was just extremely strained due to all the stress at home. Although I can say he didn't look too favorably upon me or any other woman for that matter. Which saddens me because poor Ophelia must be heartbroken to now hear that Hamlet no longer loves her, which is why I saw it fit to send Hamlet away to England. I thought the new scenery would do him some good.

Prosecution: Well how thoughtful of you. No further question, your Honor.

Judge: Defense may begin cross examination.

Defense: Thank you, your Honor. (To Claudia) Prior to Hamlet and Ophelia speaking, Hamlet was "venting" his feelings by thinking out loud was he not?

Claudia: Yes.

Defense: And can you please tell the court what he said.

Claudia: *sighs* Hamlet was contemplating suicide. Whether or not life was with the constant suffering, but since we don't know what waits for us after we die is it really the best choice to give up what we know and venture past the point of no return into the unknown? Which in a sense makes cowards of all of us because even though life can be unbearable, our fear of the unknown prevents us from ending our troubles. To be or not to be, that is the question.

Defense: Well as a new mother, don't those inner thoughts seem rather lugubrious? 

Claudia: Absolutely.

Defense: Wouldn't it be reasonable enough to say that he in fact is so depressed by the death of his mother that he now is out of sorts? 

Claudia: I suppose so.

Defense: Why then do you say that he is entirely sane when you yourself can see how emotionally overwrought your step-son is? He can no longer even bear the strain of life and is now contemplating suicide and yet you claim, he is perfectly sane.

Claudia: Well... I never thought of it that way.

Defense: Of course you didn't because you never really cared about Hamlet. You just cared about saving your own skin.

-Prosecution Re-examines-